Where did love go?
A few days ago I went to have some red wine with my friend Fernanda so she could tell me about her fantastic trip to Dubai. She couldn’t stop telling me about her amazing time and the so many things she learned about the country and its culture. She knew this trip was a challenge for her because she dared herself to journey an unknown and far place, and let me tell you it was far since it was a 16 hour flight.
Fernanda is a pretty lady, passionate for life, self-sufficient, and with many dreams to conquer, nonetheless she is still single at nearly 40 years old. She mentioned falling in love once in her life and getting married once through the court. She describes how she felt that her happiness was sabotaged because a few months before the wedding she backed out and could not do it.
And I thought to myself that only happened in soap operas!
I ask myself, how someone like her could still be single? She is the type of woman that turns heads upon entering a room, she has a unique personality and I am not just saying it because she has been my friend since childhood.
Once we were at our third glass of that delicious red wine, Fernanda confessed that she believes that maybe her fate is the single life. However, she then answered her own concern and stated that nobody is destined to the single life if they do not wish to. She then started narrating the moment when she ventured through a Zouk (سوقsūq derived from Arabic, is the definition of a local and traditional markets in the middle east). This was the moment where she defined the priority for love.
As she entered a not so luxurious jewelry in the Zouk, she stumbled upon a very excited man who was looking at engagement rings; those rings that hold the true definition of pure love, the type of rings that in my childhood the size of the stone could not possibly quantify the amount of love. That image made her remember the moments in which a women felt more genuine pride of the man by their side, than by the stone on their finger.
She also told me about a night that she went to an Arab nightclub and on the dance floor a man stood, physically perfect, impeccable attire, and a dream smile. Fernanda observed from afar, because her intentions were not to meet a man in Dubai, but to enjoy the moment. The man was dancing with his friends and sometimes by himself. He was a man that radiated self confidence. While Fernanda observed, her friend asked her if she had noticed the man dancing on the floor, of course she did. In that moment, Fernanda’s friend bet her that in any moment he was going to choose a dancing partner from the many beautiful girls that were trying to make themselves noticed with exaggerated movements and laughter. But to her surprise, the man only smirked and stayed away from all of those girls.
How? Are there man that are capable of going out with their guys and not end up flirting with one or a few girls? “He must be gay”, Fernanda’s friend said. Fernanda only smiled and said “No, he simply is in love”. To her surprise, at the end of the night she stumbled upon said man, he was on the phone with an ear-to-ear smile talking to his girlfriend expressing how he was dying to see her again, she was in India and him, in Dubai. Fernanda felt that internal happiness again, because she had hope again to see that she was not destined to the single life, she simply needed to have faith in real love again.
Fernanda confessed that she would be lying if she said that she did not want a love like the movies, the type of love in which communication and comprehension is what makes them both to want to be genuinely with each other. In which they will not give up because of the first tantrum, or run away because their significant other made a mistake (Of course, there are levels of mistakes); a partnership in which both respect each other and feel that there is not enough time in life to create special moments. The type of love that in today’s society vanishes at the touch of a dating app, hiding the tone of the voice behind a text or fake smiles sedated by the alcohol.
After two bottles of red wine, laughter and tears, cheering for the moment, due to the love and of course the friendship, the conclusion was that yes, love does exist. The love that avoids anything and anybody to upset you, that passionate love confident in itself. The love that pushes you to go outside and confront your fears, the love that protects you from the torn hearts, the love that picks you back up, that love that struggles for its dreams and peace; that love, my dear, is the love that resides within you, your heart, your mind, your words. The love that knows what it deserves, and that, is self-love. The love that will never abandon you if you choose not to.
So before you wait for that perfect love to come, which not only will knock on your door, but will knock it down and not give up, keep on evolving, loving yourself, and never lose faith. Fernanda not only gave me the answer why she is still single, but she also reminded me that self love and peace is the biggest proof of love in existence. Go out, search, wait, kiss, make love, but always knock down that door that is holding you down. Take self love risks, those risks that feed you and awards you the most beautiful thing in existence; Self integrity when nobody sees you.
Who defines integrity? Only you! Only you will live your life, only you will tell your story and upon taking that last breath you will remember with a huge smile that you lived your life to the max without regrets, and that is when you have found true love.
Based on the Labor Statistical Offices, single folks now represent 50.2% of the adult population in the United States. This is the highest ever recorded since this statistical trace was started in 1976. Back then, only 37.4% of adults 16 and older were single.
What a difference 38 years can make!
Despite the growing percentage of single adults in the last few decades, it is unlikely that it will continue to grow at this rate, therefore let’s truthfully love each other.